Shoes Only A Mother Could Love

Shoen that maketh me swoon.

ShoesOnlyAMotherCouldLove — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 05:01:27 +0000

Madison Harding’s product description for their Janis Bootie suggests that you “exercise your right to dress like a rockstar.” By “rockstar,” I assume they mean “minimum-wage Renaissance Faire employee.”

"Wouldst thou like to watcheth the jousting tournament, my lady?"

P.S. Janis Joplin probably never wore anything called a “bootie.”

You are a hot tranny mesh.

ShoesOnlyAMotherCouldLove — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 05:01:34 +0000

Okay, so I know that the ’80s are “back” and all, but the ’80s weren’t even acceptable in the ’80s. Ergo, just say NO to mesh shoes, no matter what Dolce & Gabbana tries to tell you.

New Wave is no way to dress your feet, Dolce & Gabbana.

It’s ironic for a shoe that so obviously belongs in a bordello to be called the “Peep-Toe Bootie,” as though it would be more comfortable in a playpen. D&G could at least have called their flashback something more appropriate, like the “Hookers In Jail Stiletto.”

Polka Don’t

ShoesOnlyAMotherCouldLove — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 05:01:24 +0000

To be clear, I love polka dots. I also love Minnie Mouse.

I do not, however, love Demonia’s Minnie shoe:

Pixelated vomitsauce from Demonia.

I do not love it at all. It’s like a Roy Lichtenstein portrait gone horribly, horribly wrong. Oh, and Shoe? Alfred Hitchcock called. He wants his vertigo back.

Cement shoes with a twist.

ShoesOnlyAMotherCouldLove — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:01:57 +0000

Um…these shoes? They come with their very own set of BRASS KNUCKLES.

I'll make you an offer you can't refuse: Get Leg Avenue's Mafia shoe out of my sight.

They are called the “Mafia” shoe, so I guess they need protection. And they’re kind of hot, in a dirty way. But srsly, if you wear this shoe, you are making a Very Specific statement, and you had best be able to back it up, is all I’m sayin’.